(Source: otakulei)

B, this scares me. This fighting and arguing. We’re having a long rough patch it seems. I have this horrible feeling that I’m going to lose you because of it, it hurts and scares me. I love you too much to lose you…

I’m trying my best. I didn’t notice or realized I put you in bad moods like that. I don’t mean too, I really hope you know that. I wish you would have told me sooner. And I wish you’d be more specific about what I do or say that does that to you. You’re so brief, short and off with me. You barely give me much to work off of, so I can’t fix it. You see me being off with you, but it seems like you don’t see that you’re doing the very same. Even when I’m not off with you. I just wish you were more open with me. I have a really hard time with that, but I do try to be open with you when something is wrong. But you’re not with me. You don’t tell me and it’s hard for me to tell most of the time when I’ve done something wrong to put you in a bad mood. You seem to just sulk in it. I just want you to come to me. To be open with me.

You talked to me about this before. You thought I didn’t trust you and didn’t have confidence in you to tell you when something was up. I do, I told you I do and I think I’ve shown that. I really wish you’d do the same. I wish you would trust me to tell me when something is wrong. Especially if I’m behind it. I’m not going to yell or get angry. I’ve always been calm and understanding with you. I’ll talk it out and work it out, always.

I really hate this fighting/arguing. I’m tired of it too. I’m sorry for putting you in bad moods, if you could only tell me what I do to do it I can fix it. Just come to me, B. Please. I don’t want to lose you.

You know, it seems like we’ve been having a lot of off times lately. Not a lot, but more than usually. I really hate being that way with you, when all I want to do is just wrap my arms around you and stay like that. I think, I just let me sensitivity get in the way sometimes. And, well, maybe my pride too. I want to stop and just pull you to me or throw my arms around you but I can’t. You know I’m an over thinker, and I think when you’re upset or angry with me that if I do that, you’ll reject it. And that would probably hurt worse than anything else. I just wanted to say, and I know you just told me you don’t like it but I’m doing it anyways, that I’m sorry. For being so difficult. I can only imagine the frustration of being with me with times like this. Even though I’m difficult and annoy you and make you angry, I do love you. A lot. A hell of a lot. I’m glad you stick by me and work things out. That you don’t just tell me to go to hell or something. You really don’t know how thankful I am for you, especially during the slight rough times.

staypozitive:

I want to be in your arms. It makes me feel protected like there’s nothing else in the world but you and me. I want you to hold me  tight and never let me go. I want to fall asleep in your arms, feeling  your heart beat, my head on your chest and waking up with a smile on my face. 

I’m suddenly very sleepy and can’t see all too well. I have to squint which makes it hard to see because of my eye lashes, so ignore if I make ridiculous typos or don’t make sense, hah. I just wanted to say a few things.

Today I was talking to my friend whom I call Ponoy (he’s in the midst of character change so I don’t know what else to refer to him as to you) and he said I seemed really happy. Well, what he called it was sunshiney. I’ve been in a rather good mood all day, from the moment I woke up the first time around. It might have been due to the lovely dream I had of you, but it seems like…whenever we have bad days/nights and make up or whatever, the following day is just a bit better than it normally would. I think it has to due with the fact that I know we’re okay again. With the negative feelings tossed aside, it only leaves room for all the good things. I just wanted you to know that today was a good day, and most in part thanks to you.

The second and last thing - 
That thing you said today. “You, beautiful, are mine forever.” I don’t think you noticed but I took a few moments longer to reply, when I normally reply directly after you since you take so long (hah). I was busy smiling like a complete idiot. I think that was the first time you said something like that. Something like the cliche about wanting to be together forever. I cannot even begin to describe the euphoric state that had put me in. I thought it was funny how you took my response of saying that forever was a long time as me possibly having commitment issues. Which is hardly the case at all. At least, when it comes to you. Forever in itself is not nearly long enough with you. I’d want multiple forevers, though it’s impossible.
But first response was going to be, “Do you promise?” But I kept that to myself.

Anyways -

Just so you know, B, I’m yours. I’m yours forever. For as long as you want me, and even past that. 

I was going to write you something before about this, when you had said something similar a few days ago. And now that it’s happened, I really feel the need to.

I really wish you wouldn’t think, say, and feel things like you’re a bad boyfriend and you emotionally abuse me or something. I hate hearing that. I know you can’t help it if you feel that way, but I really wish you didn’t. If you could only see how I see you, you wouldn’t think such bad things. I know I put you in a bad mood sometimes, and you get angry and stuff. But that doesn’t mean that you’re a bad boyfriend or that you’re abusing me somehow. You make it seem like you’re this really bad person when you’re angry or upset. You’re not, B. You get off and short with me, sure. But you’ve never been out right lashing out kind of anger. You get sarcastic and that’s about it. You don’t let me see anything else beyond that. I can tell you’re angry but not the extent of it.

I just wish you could see how good you are to me. Even during the off moments between us. You’re completely amazing. Even with your huge ego, you don’t really see it when you should see it the most, during those bad times.

I love you, B. So damn much. And I’m not through with loving you, I never will be. I want to love you and keep you for as long as I can. And I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. Like I said a long time ago: There’s no one else for me but you, and no one else for you, but me. So don’t feel this way okay? I wouldn’t feel so strongly towards you if you were bad to me. 

(Source: staypozitive)

I haven’t written you in a few days. I hate that. And I’m so out of it and not in too good of a mood anymore, but I’ll push that aside. I was just going through my comments to delete some pointless ones, and because I was looking for some thing (you know what it is now, since I just told you) and I came upon a few of yours that made me stop and read them along the way. The parts that stuck out where this:

I dun think ya can dig any more deeper into me. Ya pretty much my functionin right bout now.

&

Ha, babe, ya all I ever need to function. And yeah, ya all I want. Just you, no one else.

Even in my extreme sleepy state where I can hardly understand a thing, that made me smile. I just got that weird feeling, like a small spark in my chest or squeeze on my heart? I don’t know how to describe it but it’s quite lovely, for the lack of a better word. Though I’m sure you remember saying it to me, since you don’t say things like that too often. (Yet somehow you do? How can you be such a butthead but such a romantic/sweet talker at the same time? Jeez.) I just wanted to share that with you, again. I love when I get reminded of things like that, whether you say it again or I happen to remember it or I read it somewhere such as I did tonight.

All I want to do right now is just grab you, wrap my arms around you. Tell you to shush and kiss you until you stop this. Stop being like this, upset and everything else. You have no idea how much it upsets me to see you like this. However, I’m glad you finally spoke up. Even though I really had to push at it pretty much. I think I might have made it worse too. Ugh.

I’m sorry, B.

I really do love you. A hell of a lot. I wish you could see that, and that it would make everything else irrelevant. But you can’t help how you’re feeling, I guess. I just wish I could do more to help you.